Before I say what I want to say, Understand I am fully aware that I don't have to say anything at all. That being said, I want to. For the people that chose to follow and like my work, I feel I owe some type of an
explanation therefore leaving no one in the dark. TLDR @ bottom.
After a few days of deep reflection I come to the realization that I do indeed love art to the ends of the earth and will continue doing art for as long as I live. But the way I'm going about it is all wrong (for me personally I mean).
I found that the reason I started to posting my work and wanted to get better as fast as I can was to gain an understanding of where I fit on the food chain in the art community. Also to see what the reactions to my art would be if people were to see it. (I don't share my work IRL) Thus, having it be a topic that's hard for me to gage properly. A.K.A "testing the waters"
The feed back from the few followers I manage to gain in the a short 3 months was awesome!!! I never knew that showing people something I love to do (Even when its trash) and having them say something kind about it would feel so good.
However, there is a feeling that comes with trying to be a public artist I was not really for let alone aware of. This is a feeling that I'm sure is just a personal thing so take that as you well. But its feels like pressure to be greater then you can manage at all times when creating and feeling crushing defeat/discuss when you look at you past works wishing you were god like with a pen and pad but knowing that's years away. It's a type of pressure that's a bit to heavy for my taste
These were not the feelings I had working privately, I only had pleasure and pride in my work and archive them for later upgrades at my leisure. I didn't think switching to a "hey look at me" way of doing things would have such a negative self effect. So what to do about it???
Well, I'm simply going to stop before I either burn out from stress and begin to resent art or gain an actual following who starts to depend on me to make more.
I may or may not post a big full fleshed out picture from time to time. But it certainly will not be at a pace that's worth a follow. Maybe more akin to a check-in every few months and see if the novice got good yet.
What I'm saying isn't a "so long I quit" kind of thing. What I'm trying to say is I over estimated my abilities to be a public figure and I need to take a massive step back to near non-existence. I miss being a lone artist not sure if a suck or not. Only creating for my own pleasure. I'm going back to making stories, OC's and fan fic's on a low key. Only popping up to show so work I have heavy investment in and showing I'm still creating and getting better doing it.
What I learned overall:
The feeling I feel isn't necessary a bad one. I learned it can be a great motivator to push forward to hone your craft with much more care. I notice this with my first Lust design to the current day design she got like a dozen upgrades back to back because I had a different type of drive to perfect her (Still not perfected yet but was worth a shot). But even as great as having a motivation is, this type of it... isn't for everyone (for sure no me)
Finally thank you all for the kind words, help, and support along the way.
Kinda regret not being able to be like my big 5 favorite artist. But at least they don't know I even exist so I aint ashamed lol
Comments and feedback on this is welcome.
I actually encourage it. I'm curious to know what others may think.